Shipping Zach Off To The Doctor

Submitted by Clayton...


I have zebra muscles.

No, no, not the stripey, are they white or are they black stripes, baking in the Savannah type of zebra muscles.  Although if I was a horse, I think I might like to get a zebra "sleeve" tattoo - that would be cool.

Zebra Mussels.

That's better.

So really I don't have zebra muscles per se (although I ripped a mystery leach off my hind quarters this past summer), I have a zebra mussel for a child.

Zach has been walking around walls and tables for a couple of weeks now and recently he's become very slick in his manoeuvring.  I've found that if I am standing stationary for more than 6 seconds, he will search me out and "plop" "plop" I feel 2 hands gripping my knees.  When I look down I see a big toothy grin staring back at me.  He is now along for the ride.

When he is feeling particularly daring, he will attach himself to my legs as I am walking if he is already standing nearby.  This can create a small logistical problem if I am doing something like carrying the zebra mussel's big sister to bed when she has passed out after a long day.  Seriously, what do you do?  If you know, comment ASAP because I am standing here with a sleeping kid, a zebra mussel on my leg and I'm typing with my chin on the ipad resting on the sleeping child's forehead.  Kinda stuck here...

Strangely, "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" has a chapter on the subject.  I've copied an excerpt below and bolded the necessary points.

Zebra mussels are relatively small, with adults ranging from 0.25 to 1.5 in (0.63 to 3.8 cm) long.^[3] They have tiny stripes down their shells. Zebra Mussels have a D-shaped shell. They attach to things with 'strings', byssal threads, which come out of their umbo on the dorsal (hinged) side. Removal of the mussel is therefore difficult.


I've got an appointment for Zach tomorrow.  I just wish I knew where his umbo was so I don't sound stupid when I'm explaining his problem.