Remote Control

Submitted by Jennifer

It always amazes me at how technologically savvy the younger sect can be. I guess it is because they are growing up with all this technology and they don't know any different. While I learned about the Internet in third year university struggling to wade my way through Unix HTML programming while having no real comprehension of just what exactly it was I was trying to accomplish, KD has always had the world at her fingertips, just the click of a button away.

Now this is not to say that KD has had free reign by any stretch of the imagination. Her computer experience has been limited entirely to the occasional games that Clayton outlined in his last post and a couple of hours of Dora's Crystal Kingdom on the Mac. Still, from the first time she picked up the iPad, she had no problem figuring out exactly how it worked.

The same holds true for the remote control for the television. I am not a believer in letting babies play with the remote control. I simply think that children need to learn from a very young age that some things are just off limits. KD was taught not to touch and it is only just recently that I have shown her how to change the channel on the T.V.

Now the process of teaching a toddler not to touch the remote is a grueling and arduous proposition. It involves taking it away, every five or so seconds, for about a year before any headway is made. Little Z is just starting to get the message and he now very considerately brings the remote to me each time he finds it within his reach.

KD, on the other hand, was much more slick. One time when she was not quite a year old, I was folding laundry in the living room while she was playing happily on the floor. I went off to her bedroom to put away the laundry, and was not out of the room for more than thirty seconds when I heard the very distinctive sound of the MGM theme song coming from the living room.

"What the...?!?".

I made it back to living room just in time to see the opening credits of "American Gangster" playing across the television screen. It would seem that KD had not only tracked down the remote in my absence, but she had managed to order a very inappropriate pay-per-view movie in that time!

Then we added "west side" to her baby sign flash cards...

Needless to say, we did not watch the movie...

Jen

Kndcvvfjgfhbkgjuhyvjfkadencekjj@tffcfcf@

Submitted by Clayton...

As a special treat, from time to time, Kadence is allowed to use the ipad.  She is really quite adept at navigating the little computer.  With no help at all she can...

...play Cut the Rope.  If there is ever a career where she can get paid to cut ropes she will be a very happy person.

She can fling Angry Birds into buildings.  I will do my best to dissuade her from making this into a career, but for now, what can it hurt?

She can crash a police car like nobody's business.  I guess there is a reason you don't see 4 year old police officers.

She can build goo structures.  She also has been building houses out of straw at school - as earth friendly this might be, it is not really her cup of tea as she'd rather be a Big Bad Wolf than a lazy little pig.

I'm not sure that there are many openings for princesses in this economic climate, however, it is her dream job.  Yes that is her modelling her princess clothes.

She can also try to surf the net.  I think she may need to broaden her search a bit - Kndcvvfjgfhbkgjuhyvjfkadencekjj@tffcfcf@ is a little to specific.  (I love the fact that she typed her name in the middle of it!)

So if any of you in the blogosphere has a job for a mud architect who regally cuts the ceremonial rope to unveil her work before turning around and smashing birds into her specific type of structure, let me know.  Keep in mind that she has a poor driving record...

My Dear, Head Gear

Submitted by Clayton...

In response to Jenn's last post, A Tough Nut to Crack;

Perhaps Jenn's parents never felt the need to make her wear a helmet because she was so hard-headed.

I imagine when Jenn was younger, she was one of those rebellious children who left the house for school wearing one thing, but when her parents were long out of sight, she'd reach into her knapsack and pull out her disallowed clothing - her helmet, carefully place it on her head, making sure the straps fit and that the helmet met all current Canadian safety standards by checking her Junior Consumer Reports magazine and then quietly returned to the sidewalk (you shouldn't walk on the grass) where she would walk safely to school.

You will never get her to shake her belief in helmets.  The one period of her life that she threw caution to the wind and left her helmet at home, she walked smack into a glass door at the mall.  That was all the confirmation she needed.

Does this explain her passion for famous fashion photographer Helmut Newton?  Or maybe her love of the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader?  It's all coming together now, isn't it!

The unfortunate side effect is that now KD has got to wear a helmet everywhere.  You think I'm exaggerating? I would like to submit exhibit #1 into evidence.

Now really, how dangerous can playing with Grandma really be?  This is not an aberration - I would like to submit exhibit #2 for your review.

Seriously.  A walk in the grass.  Ridiculous.  I can only imagine that Jenn was thinking if a strong wind comes along and a branch falls on KD's head or maybe if frozen poop from an airplane 35 000 feet in the air happens to come hurling through space, I really don't know...

Consider my final piece of evidence, submission #3.

Push-ups.  I rest my case.

Make that, I rest my head case.

A Tough Nut to Crack

Submitted by Jennifer

I have to admit that I'm a bit of a nut when it comes to safety. My family loves to tease me about this to no end. I am very aware of this quirk in my personality. Over the years I know that there have been more times than I can count that I have observed people doing things that I would consider foolish and have been heard to say something along the lines of,
"Now that's a head injury waiting to happen...".

I may or may not have said it so frequently that Clayton may or may not have deemed it my 'slogan'.


My parents have been right on this bandwagon of ribbing me about this particular preoccupation, showing no mercy what-so-ever. For my part, I think I have shown considerable restraint when it comes to imposing my safety hangups on my children. To date, KD has only been required to wear her helmut for biking, riding her scooter, and ice skating. Little Z has only been required to wear his helmut for riding in his stroller, wagon rides, walking and brushing his teeth...what?

 Nooooo...he doesn't even own a helmet...yet.


So you can all imagine my surprise when I recently learned that my I may just come by this particular brand of nuttiness honestly. My mother swore up and down, left, right, and center that in my day, children were never required to wear helmets for anything, much less her children! Then a couple of months ago she somewhat sheepishly sent me an email with this photo that she discovered while going through some things...

Well, look what we have here...

...that would be me...wearing the helmet!  That would be my mom, standing right behind me!  Huh...

...and if you are having any difficulty reading the caption, it says, "BTW, Dad said: just tell her she insisted!"
However, like me, my mother seemed to show some restraint as well...I am not wearing a helmet to swing or stand in a tree, activities for which I would definitely consider having my kids wear helmets...(although the tree picture is somewhat questionable, but on close inspection, I am pretty sure that is just my hair!)

Not so nutty after all...

Love,
Jen

P.S.  I have no idea who the crazy cat people in the bottom left hand corner are...pretty sure they are just some random people who bear no relation what-so-ever to my family...

Bikes, Bagels And Incapacitated Cookies

Submitted by Clayton...

Monster Cookie Monster

Mmmmmm bagels!

WWWWWWWWHHHAAAATTTTTTTTTTT?  Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes, Thank you Daddy, Thank you mommy, YES!!!

Kadence loves to love the things she loves.  You would think that if this is her reaction to going for a walk, she would seizure her way through Christmas morning.

Before we could go on our adventure, we had a few errands to do.  We piled into the car and headed to the butcher's for some sirloin steaks to BBQ, then we headed to the baker's where we picked up some mouth-watering bread and some treats for our walk.  (Did you know that candlestick maker's do not work on Mondays?  Very strange.)

Kadence headed the convoy with her 2009 Dream Journey with Dual wheel assist suspension.  Zach brought up the rear with his little red wagon.  (The front seat's broken and the axel's dragging).

Midway through our adventure we stopped for our snacks.  Both kids ate a bit and saved the rest for dessert  as supper would be soon.

One hand on his dessert and one eye on his Mom.

As I prepared supper, I heard the 5 O'Clock bells chime...

"Zach!  What do you have in your mouth?"

(Yup, right on time - every hour on the hour.)

I peered around the corner to see Jenn kneeling on the floor with a wrinkled up nose saying "Ewww, Zachey, we do not eat food off the floor, that's gross, OK Bud?"  and then turning to me "What is this?  I'm sure it's food but, I have no idea what it is supposed to be."  (She had a point - I have no idea what it was, but it might've had an oat in it - definitely food though, very strange.)  She turned back to Bud "No more eating off the floor, supper's coming right away."

With that she plunked him in the booster seat.

Food was served, food was eaten.

For dessert the kids were given the rest of their adventure treats; Zach an oatmeal and raisin cookie and Kadence a bagel.  (She doesn't know that donuts aren't called bagels - Jenn doesn't correct her - it is one of her buffalo hay bales).  -----> When you point the finger at someone honey, 4 fingers point right back at you......and don't throw rocks in glass houses....he without sin...lead balloons and come on legorillpass themurphiesaaaaahhhhhhhhhoooooOOOKKKKKKK so that went off topic...

Zach ate a couple of pieces of his cookie then inconspicuously snuck a couple to the floor for later.

"Noooooooooooooooo" Jenn cried when she finally spied the incapacitated cookie bits on the floor.  She reached down to collect the snacks from the cracks in the floor that minutes ago was home to the oatey thing and a couple of run away Rice Krispies.  Then she dusted them off, popped one in her mouth and put one on Zach's tray and said "Zach, we do NOT waste good cookies."

Some floor food is good - some floor food is bad - Mom will decide!

Oh Give Me a Home, Where the Buffalo Roam...

Submitted by Jennifer

So I don't think I have to tell you all by now that Clayton is a troublemaker. I think that it is more or less obvious at this point. When my nephews were just little tykes, and super impressionable, Clayton always joked that he was going to teach them incorrect things like their ABCs wrong, or mix up all their colors...just for fun! To my knowledge, he never did these things, although on one occasion, he convinced my eldest nephew that he really was able to guess the number that Clayton "had in his head". (Sorry Spyglass, it was all a setup!)

...Or there was the time that Clayton convinced this same nephew, as a tot, that he could pop a chocolate easter egg into one ear and out the other.  I had to cry out in horror as I witnessed, from across the room, my nephew preparing to slam a chocolate nugget into his ear, to try and stop him from carrying out the act!

KD has pretty much figured this out about her dad. It is not often that she falls for one of his ridiculous jokes. However, there have been times when she hasn't 'gotten' the joke, and this has been problematic...

Take for example a couple of summers ago. We were on a road trip to the mountains, and as is always our habit, we like to point out the sights to KD as we go. "Look at the horses! Hey, there's a train!", that type of thing. This is a great way to keep KD entertained along the way, and serves to satisfy that kid's natural curiosity. Win, win! Well, on this particular trip, Clayton spied a field of hay bales and piped up, "Hey look you guys, it's a herd of buffalo!". To this, we all had a good laugh and carried merrily on our way...never giving it another thought.

Fast forward about a year, to a short trip I was making by myself with both the kids in the car. We were driving along, looking at the sights, as usual, when I hear from the back seat,
"Buffalos! Mom, look! There's buffalos over there!"
"Buffalos?!?"
Now believe me when I tell you that I was not expecting to see buffalo on the way to Hecla Island, as this would be most unusual.

Yep! You guessed it! Hay bales! A whole field of them. Then I had to embark on the long explanation as to what they really are, and why daddy called them buffalo in the first place.
 This is my role as I see it...

Undoer of the damage...

Love Jen