Stalks and Bonds

I just had a T-Shirt sent to me from the Friends And Brothers International Organization which is a support organization for men going through rough periods.  I guess they stumbled across the blog and reached out to me.  They sent me some information, a link to their organization which can be found here, and a T-Shirt.

My new t-shirt courtesy of Friends And Brothers International Organization

"Jenn used to stalk me.  I didn't know it until we were engaged, but she used to find out where I was going to be and hang out there.  She planned a "spontaneous" meeting where she picked her moment and then struck.  She fed me Jäger Bombs to make sure I was in the right mood.  By the time I found out about how we actually came to meet, I was actually in love with her and let it slide."

For the full post click here.

The Key to Observation

Keep in mind that I can not be held responsible for the quality of the answers in the quiz below.

To find the original quiz, follow this link The Truth of the Matter: The Kitchen is a Gated Community before you read on.

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE

1.  On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?  Bottom

2.  How many states are there in the USA?  50

3.  In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?  Right

4.  Which six colours are on the classic Campbell's soup label?  Blue, Red, White, Yellow, Black and Gold

5.  What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?  1, 0

6.  When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?  Right

7.  How many matches are in a standard pack?  20

8.  On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?  Red

9.  What is lowest number on the FM dial?  88

10.  Which way does the water go down the drain, clockwise or counter-clockwise?  Clockwise (north of the equator)

11.  Which way does a no-smoking sign's slash run?  Towards the bottom right

12.  How many channels on a VHF TV dial?  12 (no #1)

13.  On which side of a woman's blouse are the buttons?  Left

14.  Which way do fans rotate?  Clockwise as you look at it

15.  What is on the back of a Canadian dime?  The Bluenose

16.  How many sides does a stop sign have?  8

17.  Do books have even numbered pages on the right or left side?  Left

18.  How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?  5

19.  How many sides are there on a standard pencil?  6

20.  Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc.  Who is missing?  Bashful

21.  How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?  8

22.  On which playing card is the card maker's logo?  Ace of Spades

23.  On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?  Left

24.  On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the centre?  A Loon

25.  There are 12 buttons on a touch phone.  What two symbols bear no digits?  *, #

26.  How many curves are there in a standard paper clip?  3

27.  Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counter-clockwise?  Counter-clockwise

Bowie and Donnie

Submitted by Jennifer
We have all been renamed in my family. Who knew that names could be so arbitrary and fluid? It all started about six weeks ago when KD decided that she and Zach and Clayton where going to play make-believe one evening. She dreamt up a scenario wherein she and her doll where going on a road trip to visit some friends and camp out at their place. She decided that she would be named Bowie, and her doll would be her baby, while Clayton and Zach would be Seedy and Donnie, respectively. I was not a part of this original game, but I have since been renamed Claydee. The thing is, ever since this evening of play, KD has insisted on referring to us by our made-up names. She will get up in the morning, walk into our bedroom, and in the best southern accent she can muster she will say,
"Good morning Seedy, good morning Claydee! How was your sleep? Where's Donnie? Is he still sleeping?"
We will either snort or roll our eyes (and smile) and say,
"Good morning Kadence."
She will promptly reply,
"My name is Bowie."
Uh...okay then.
I cannot tell you how many times I have overheard KD addressing her brother as Donnie, progressively getting more and more exasperated that he is not responding.  I am constantly reminding her that he is not doing what she wants because his name is NOT Donnie and he doesn't know that she is talking to him! This does not phase her one bit.
Today, I witnessed a frightening event. KD walked up behind Zach and said,
"Hi Donnie!"
Donnie, I mean Zach, turned around and smiled at her.

Heaven help us...

Claydee

The Look-at-me Phenomenon

Submitted by Jennifer

So you've probably all been wondering where I've been! The truth is that I have been around, for most of the time anyway, but I've admittedly been in kind of a writing funk lately! I think I have told Clayton that I will post something every day for the past two weeks and he has just reached the point of yeah, yeah...I won't hold my breath!  However, I am back now, and I have lots of fresh ideas, so without further ado....

I am the kind of person who needs to focus on the task at hand without interruption, or else I simply cannot think. I simply cannot read a book and carry on a conversation at the same time, I cannot drive and talk (or who knows where I will end up!), I cannot pay my bills and watch t.v., it just doesn't work for me. Unfortunately, this is not the case for either Clayton or KD.  Because of this, I often find myself being pulled in many different directions at one time.  They really don't understand that I can still love them and yet direct my attention elsewhere for any reason!  The biggest challenge this creates for me is what I like to call the look-at-me phenomenon!  It goes something like this...

I am reading/replying to emails or any other task at hand for that matter,
"Mom! Mom! Look at me!".
I tear my attention away from the task at hand in order to observe whatever feat KD is trying to demonstrate.
She begins.
"Jen! Look! Look what Zach is doing"
I look over at whatever Zach is attempting, usually a fraction of a second too late to actually see anything.
Clayton shoots me a disappointed look for my having missed it while simultaneously KD says,
"Did you see the whole thing mom?"
"uh...no...sorry. Can you show me again?"
KD then shoots me a disgusted look for having not seen the whole thing...
She begins again...
"Jen! Jen! Look!"
Then I pick up the pieces of my exploded brain and we carry on!

I wouldn't have it any other way...

Jen

The Kitchen is a Gated Community

Submitted by Clayton...

4 or 5 years ago I received in my inbox an e-mail entitled "LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE".

I have been thinking of this e-mail a lot lately because Jenn and I have baby gates up on the main floor of our house.  These gates have been up ever since Zach began his scooting around a few months ago.  Kadence, Jenn and I are all used so used to these obstacles (at what point do they officially get called furniture?) that we have developed new routines to complete our daily tasks.  Kadence has learned to take her dishes to the kitchen in a series of steps that include stashing dishes nearby so she can reach over the gate to retrieve them.  I am healing from an ACL reconstruction, so these gates are a sort of physiotherapy that require contortion of both the body and the face.  Jenn has learned to leap frog the gate as if it was a party game. (It looks odd, but is effective).

The truth about it is, often times in mid climb, I realize Zach has been in bed for six hours.  Why in the world have I been playing doorway twister all that time?  Sometimes the baby gates stay in place for days, even though their containment value only stretches over parts of the day.

I know that Kadence would disagree that this is a hurdle in our home, as she treats it as jungle gym.

KD - "Hey Dad, look at me..."
Me - "SHRIEK"
KD - "Isn't this cool, Dad?"
Me - "Ok, very slowly, take your feet from the door frame and very carefully put them on the top of the gate, where your hands are..."

I think at this point, Jenn would say "What baby gates?"

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE

1.  On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

2.  How many states are there in the USA?

3.  In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4.  Which six colours are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5.  What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6.  When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?

7.  How many matches are in a standard pack?

8.  On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

9.  What is lowest number on the FM dial?

10.  Which way does the water go down the drain, clockwise or counter-clockwise?

11.  Which way does a no-smoking sign's slash run?

12.  How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13.  On which side of a woman's blouse are the buttons?

14.  Which way do fans rotate?

15.  What is on the back of a Canadian dime?

16.  How many sides does a stop sign have?

17.  Do books have even numbered pages on the right or left side?

18.  How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

19.  How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

20.  Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc.  Who is missing?

21.  How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

22.  On which playing card is the card maker's logo?

23.  On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

24.  On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the centre?

25.  There are 12 buttons on a touch phone.  What two symbols bear no digits?

26.  How many curves are there in a standard paper clip?

27.  Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counter-clockwise?

OK, so having search found and now typed this quiz out, I now realize it is american, it is old and not particularly creative.  There are a few questions that will make you wonder why you don't know the answer, and i guess that just shows us how we see without processing sometimes.  I'll give you a week or so before I post the answers, I hope you enjoy it!

That's it for me today, if on my way to bed I see a hurdle, I'll adjust my gait.

Just Desserts

Submitted by Clayton...

I came home from work today and Jenn and the kids were just finishing supper.  Well - Jennifer was done, Zach was done and KD was talking and eating and talking and eating and talking and...

I spoke with them about the day as Jenn had her dessert and then cleaned up Zach.  We kept talking as I cooked myself supper, ate my meal and cleaned up after myself.  All the while Jenn and I kept reminding KD "eat up".

Eventually the chicken burger vs. KD ended in a TKO for the chicken burger.  Before KD tapped out, I asked her if she was sure she was done, because she wouldn't get anymore food before bedtime.  She said she was sure and as I excused her from the table, I looked at the clock and announced "Bedtime!"

It's A Good Thing, Jenn Kidded Me!

Submitted by Clayton...

Jenn, the kids and I were at the hospital today picking up Jenn's hours in anticipation of her return to work from maternity leave.

As we headed back to the parkade, Jenn realized that we had walked by the pay station and she needed to head back.  I told her I would get the kids in the car while she paid.  I took Zach from her and I gave her my coffee to hold.  Once I had the kids strapped in and Jenn had paid our fees, we started backing out of the parking spot.  I went to grab my coffee and realized that my cup holder was *gasp* empty.  I turned to Jenn and asked where my coffee ended up.

Jenn grinned and said "Um, I'll be right back" and darted from the car.  I tracked her as she ran around the car and back up the hallway to the pay station.

In no time at all, she was back at the car, coffee in hand.  As she handed it to me I said, "It's a good thing I gave you the coffee and I took Zach."

Shipping Zach Off To The Doctor

Submitted by Clayton...


I have zebra muscles.

No, no, not the stripey, are they white or are they black stripes, baking in the Savannah type of zebra muscles.  Although if I was a horse, I think I might like to get a zebra "sleeve" tattoo - that would be cool.

Zebra Mussels.

That's better.

So really I don't have zebra muscles per se (although I ripped a mystery leach off my hind quarters this past summer), I have a zebra mussel for a child.

Zach has been walking around walls and tables for a couple of weeks now and recently he's become very slick in his manoeuvring.  I've found that if I am standing stationary for more than 6 seconds, he will search me out and "plop" "plop" I feel 2 hands gripping my knees.  When I look down I see a big toothy grin staring back at me.  He is now along for the ride.

When he is feeling particularly daring, he will attach himself to my legs as I am walking if he is already standing nearby.  This can create a small logistical problem if I am doing something like carrying the zebra mussel's big sister to bed when she has passed out after a long day.  Seriously, what do you do?  If you know, comment ASAP because I am standing here with a sleeping kid, a zebra mussel on my leg and I'm typing with my chin on the ipad resting on the sleeping child's forehead.  Kinda stuck here...

Strangely, "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" has a chapter on the subject.  I've copied an excerpt below and bolded the necessary points.

Zebra mussels are relatively small, with adults ranging from 0.25 to 1.5 in (0.63 to 3.8 cm) long.^[3] They have tiny stripes down their shells. Zebra Mussels have a D-shaped shell. They attach to things with 'strings', byssal threads, which come out of their umbo on the dorsal (hinged) side. Removal of the mussel is therefore difficult.


I've got an appointment for Zach tomorrow.  I just wish I knew where his umbo was so I don't sound stupid when I'm explaining his problem.

From Bearly Stressed to Barely Stressed.

Submitted by Clayton...

By nature, Jenn is a stressful person.

What I love about her is that she is a student about such things.

She locks her issue up, processes it and then one day it is done (usually replaced by a newer more exciting point of stress).

Case and point #1.

Jenn wanted to make a career change when she felt that managing a restaurant / lounge was unrewarding and a dead end career.  She wanted to become a nurse but when you've got bills to pay, taking on 4 years of schooling while working and being a homeowner with the related bills, it is obviously a very big commitment.  She wasn't ready to make the change right away, but after thinking about it for some time, one day the switch was flipped and she announced she was ready to do it.  That was that, the stress went away.  The way she processes things is almost predictable.  I like that she doesn't shy away from the stress, she deals with it.

If there is something that is on her mind and she can go to a book about it, she will.  She is very much a student of things.  And in all things she has always been a very good student.

Case and point #2.

We were on a trip to the states and decided to drive through a wildlife reserve.  As we drove down the main road of the compound, way off in the distance Jenn spotted a black bear walking across the road.  As I squinted to confirm that yes there was a bear way up there, Jenn slammed her hand down on the lock of her door and ordered me to turn the car around.  I assured her we were way to far away for the bear to even know that we were around and that our black Neon would appear more like a much bigger bear than a package holding 2 tasty treats.  She was not to be consoled.

As I said earlier, "By nature, Jenn is a stressful person."

The next year we went for a hike in the whiteshell.  As we entered the mouth of the trail, we spied a black bear eating berries in the bush about a buffet table away from us.  Jenn shrugged her shoulders and said, "Oh well, let's go" and started walking up the trail.  Consider that issue processed.

That's my wife and I love her for it!