Jenn's Stalkings

Submitted by Clayton...

I used to tell Jenn that when she was not around, I would explain our beginnings like this...

"Jenn used to stalk me.  I didn't know it until we were engaged, but she used to find out where I was going to be and hang out there.  She planned a "spontaneous" meeting where she picked her moment and then struck.  She fed me Jäger Bombs to make sure I was in the right mood.  By the time I found out about how we actually came to meet, I was actually in love with her and let it slide."

I had many versions of this story and would routinely tell Jenn "I told so-and-so today about how we met, you know, how you stalked me."  Usually she would say, "You did not!" and I would laugh and agree that I hadn't.  On a rare occasion I would keep it going for an hour or so before coming clean.

Often when Jenn meets people when we are together, she is polite and quiet.  This is often times my fault as I am terrible with names and often am stuck doing the, "Oh this is my wife Jenn" without actually letting Jenn know what the other person's name is - because I don't know myself.

Some time ago in Costco, I ran into a lady I worked with named Susan and one of her husbands.  I worked closely with Susan and gave Jenn a warm and proper introduction.  Susan was very personable so the moment I had completed introductions, Jenn said "So you probably heard all about how I stalked him and chased him and got him to marry me."  Susan's face went white and her demeanour did a 180.  With a stunned look Susan said "No."  I did a whole lot of explaining to Susan on the spot - I don't think Susan was too surprised by the truth as she did know a thing or two about how I operate.

What I hadn't realized about the entire stalking lie was that I thought it was always obvious to Jenn that I was joking and I believed she was playing along with my joke.  She explained very clearly later that this was not the case and that on a couple of occasions, I had forgotten to mention that I didn't actually tell someone that Jenn was a crazy stalker.  Whoops.  My bad.

If I have mistakenly told anyone reading this post a version of the above lie, I am now setting the record straight - Jenn did not stalk me.  That would have been illegal and I believe there is no statute of limitations on that charge.  I do not want to raise children on my own.