THAT Woman....

Submitted by Jennifer

Warning: this post might cause discomfort for some readers...particularly those considering child-bearing any time in the next ten or so years....proceed at your own risk!

Every good prenatal class has a good smattering of perinatal horror stories, you know, just to strike the fear of God into the expectant first time parents...mine was no exception. I was never really sure what the purpose of these stories were. I guess the point is to show the first-timers that oftentimes things do not go as planned and not to invest too much importance in the birth plan.

After giving birth to KD, it quickly became clear to me that very few women actually experienced what they were hoping for when it came down to the birth of their child. I felt fortunate to have met all of my goals with regard to my birth plan and despite the fact that my labour with KD was long, it was pretty much entirely what I had anticipated.
...and then I pushed my luck.

Pregnancy number two...pretty unremarkable...bit of morning sickness, lots of fatigue, insomnia at the end, the usual suspects.
Then it happened.
I became THAT woman.
You know the one. You hear about her and cringe, cross your legs and think, "That is never going to happen to me". But it did. I gave birth to a 12 lb, 2oz baby...the old fashioned way. (I told you this was going to get uncomfortable.)

Boy did it create a stir! Nurses came into our room...just to see. Word spread around the hospital like wildfire...in fact, friends who came to visit us the first week we were at home heard the story at a house party over the weekend! Right now, somewhere in the world, there is a roomful of expectant first-time moms and their partners cringing and crossing their legs, all because of me...

My birth plan? Well lets not even go there! I only had two objectives, and needless to say, they both went out the window...and never mind the surreal kitchen party atmosphere that developed in the operating room once the docs figured out that I work at the hospital and we actually knew quite a few people in common! That was definitely not an item found in my birth plan...anywhere...no really, I reread it just to be sure!

So how does it feel to be THAT woman, you wonder? Well, truthfully it stinks...I got told a lot that I was admired, that I was a hero etc, etc. However, all I could think was what could I have possibly done to have produced this gigantic child? My BMI is, and always has been, within the healthy range. My pregnancy weight gain was slightly higher than my first pregnancy, but not excessive by any means! How could this have happened?  I have had a lot of time to ponder this very issue since the birth of my enormous child...
I blame ice cream...

Ever wonder what a twelve pound baby looks like in a newborn wash basin?

Yours in child-bearing horror stories,

Jen